i just answered my cell phone with “media finance.”

the dude on the other end didn’t know me, and was confused. to be perectly honest, so was i…

i wanted so badly to feel better…

but when you’re addicted to nicotine you can’t smoke if you can’t get ahold of a cigarette, no matter how hard you try.

and i couldn’t…

another day wasted just trying to calm down…

is it even worth trying to get out of this chair, or should i just wait for james to call me, ask me what happens next?

i’ll just listen to one more song…

i don’t know why i keep doing this to myself. maybe in the next week, while i cram the entire first half of my psychology of addiction class into my brains right before the midterm, i’ll get some insight as to why i repeat the same patterns over and over again.

in the mean time i’ve already put a sign in the window saying “closed for construction,” though i don’t think anyone’s actually deciphered it yet. i think i’ll just try and keep out the public while i work on whatever repairs i can do by myself, without the help of a professional, cause even my doctor doesn’t know me well enough to fix this shit…

at work, thinking about what i want. thank god james is on his way in to shut my brain the fuck up…

sitting, trying to write a paper that’s due in a few hours… maybe listening to the rain that has just started up will calm me down.

my day at work was ended with an horrifcally loud, shrieking fire alarm. as it turns out it’s fire prevention week, so the powers that be figured a fire drill would be appropriate.

i disagree.

if it’s fire prevention week, shouldn’t they have a bunch of ninnies wander around warning us plebes about the dangers of smoking in bed, and tying your cat to a toaster oven with faulty wires and stuff?

i mean, if you wanna have a death by fire prevention week, then go ahead, by all means, have your ear bleeding, soul crushing, eye exploding fire drill… other than that, i really don’t see what one has to do with the other.

‘m just sayin…