stop freaking out and crying! stop trying to zone out in front of the tv or internet! The appointment is at EIGHT THIRTY tomorrow morning and this shit HAS to get done.
wait. my doctor told me that cheerleading statements are better for you. like, more effective.
breathe in, breathe out. i know you want to cry, but you can do this; and once you do, you can forget it and breathe easier. by nine thirty tomorrow, it’ll all be finished. this too shall pass.
my mum stopped by an oriental market, and saw necklaces she thought were pretty. she bought me a couple, just because. they even came in a really pretty bag.
the first time i saw “where the hell is matt?” i cried. i showed it to mum, and she cried.
james, wasn’t it you who showed me this video at work? told me that when you saw it you thought of me, and how much i’d love it?
man, as i’m writing this the music is playing in the background, and the thoughts of all the faraway places i’ve been are making me tear up again.
from what i’ve heard, most people don’t like that feeling they get when they’ve had too much to drink, and they lay down and the world spins underneath them. i, on the other hand, love it. it feels like the whole world is holding me close, and rocking me in its arms.
driving around tonight i was reminded of a story from when i was young. a couple of friends and i went camping, and we came upon a shallow creek. obviously there had recently been people fishing there, there were some discarded hooks and fishing line left lying around. there was also a little sunfish that had been left on the bank next to the water. i wandered up to it, and found that its gills were still weakly moving. it was still alive! i picked it up and put it in the water, and it floated slowly to the surface, belly up. so i thought to myself, okay, this fish need water to go through its gills, but it doesn’t have the energy to do it itself anymore. i thought of sharks, and how they can’t pump the water they need through their gills themselves, so they need the forward momentum of their swimming to keep themselves breathing. i took hold of the little fish, and ran it back and forth through the water, like a kid playing with a toy car. i stood doing this for a minute or so, and then i loosened my fingers. the fish took off, swimming slowly but steadily away.
alshley plascott, thank you for giving me so many wonderful memories from that trip. saving that tiny sunfish is just one of the amazing things i get to remember on nights when i can’t sleep, and go driving around the city.
tonight i have no real direction in my life. my plans for the next few years are up in the air, and i am feeling lost and scared. but tonight i have hope, and i’m going to hold on to it for dear life.
today’s lovely is brought to you by people who make the worst part of your day (in my case, the waking/getting up part) better.
the last episode of the british version of the office. i won’t spoil it, but those of you that have seen it will know what i’m talking about. those of you that haven’t, what on earth are you waiting for?