my eye is twitching, my heart is pounding, and i don’t know why.

a new wardrobe and a love for ultrasound waves that massage my cells… montreal always manages to give me such nice presents everytime i visit her.

except now i really do need someone to come get me and my bagses at the bus stop.

i wonder how my family will take the fact that i plan to go away for the weekend…

last night my little brother tattled on me to my parents, calling them up in the middle of the night out of a desperate need to save his sister from herself and the evils she obviously couldn’t see right in front of her.  my father cried, because i didn’t know what else to do, and neither did he.  stalemate.

i can see my little brother reading this now, getting angrier and angrier at the disrespect i show the people who care about me the most, care for me the most; disrespect for their mental wellbeing, their time and effort in the face of the tremendous adversity that is me…  getting angrier and angrier at the accusation of something so juvenile as being a tattle-tail. 

how could you do this, sophie?!  how could you do this?!?

how could i do what, exactly?  make decisions about my life, taking into consideration the myriad of details about which you, my family, have no knowledge?  disregard the opinions of the people whose only goals in life are to keep me happy and safe from harm?

i know i’m wrong, there is some amount of “wrong” in my behaviour.  but i wonder two things:  how much wrong is there, what level wrongness have i achieved; do my family – my mother and father and little brother – recognize or accept responsibility for any of the wrong in their behaviours?

what are you hiding from me?

and why?

this is important…

jer, you should come home now…  i’m dying over here without you.

wait a second… you ARE home!!

… 

on it.