what i need is a plan. and some fucking advil…

so many questions floating around my head…

it this what’s best? is this the easy way out? how long does it take to mourn a loss? why can’t i just let go and be done with this? is it wrong to feel such a loss because of something so temporary?

i am making more of this than i need to, right? it’s not the end of the world, right? i’m probably just being a big drama queen…

that’s got to be it. it’s stupid of me to feel this way. a few days and i’ll be back to functioning normally. this isn’t a loss, it’s just time. i am stupid for hurting like this.

my room is cold and empty, and that makes it worse. so even though i’m exhausted and so pressed for time, i think, instead of even trying to sleep, i’ll watch a movie.

shed your skin, become something new. and when you look back, make sure it’s only for a second…

four midterms down, two to go.

one paper, two to go.

then four finals…

go team go!

i just answered my cell phone with “media finance.”

the dude on the other end didn’t know me, and was confused. to be perectly honest, so was i…

i wanted so badly to feel better…

but when you’re addicted to nicotine you can’t smoke if you can’t get ahold of a cigarette, no matter how hard you try.

and i couldn’t…

another day wasted just trying to calm down…

is it even worth trying to get out of this chair, or should i just wait for james to call me, ask me what happens next?

i’ll just listen to one more song…

i don’t know why i keep doing this to myself. maybe in the next week, while i cram the entire first half of my psychology of addiction class into my brains right before the midterm, i’ll get some insight as to why i repeat the same patterns over and over again.

in the mean time i’ve already put a sign in the window saying “closed for construction,” though i don’t think anyone’s actually deciphered it yet. i think i’ll just try and keep out the public while i work on whatever repairs i can do by myself, without the help of a professional, cause even my doctor doesn’t know me well enough to fix this shit…

at work, thinking about what i want. thank god james is on his way in to shut my brain the fuck up…