i’m crampy, and sad.  life is ok though, it’s just a bad day.

round and round and round she goes

where she’ll stop nobody knows

turning here and turning there

and finding chaos everywhere

packed in boxes and in drawers

strewn across her dirty floors

shaking hands and racing heart

and no idea where to start

so much to do so little time

and all her hopes are on the line

so round and round and round she goes

but it never stops it’s all she knows

quick little revamp of my “real” blog.  it’s now banana shake flavoured.  now to get down to some real work.  murr.

I can’t sleep. It is very late, and I have work in the morning. The lightning outside is pretty, but it makes me feel guilty for wanting to stay up and watch it.

Someone lives upstairs now. I hear them drop things every once in a while. I am watching shiny drops of water sparkle as they fall off a dead man’s balcony that’s not even his anymore. This world is so strange, and I feel very alone.

Even so, my Charlie is sleeping, pressed against my belly, and I know that my loved ones are all within reach. This isolation is artificial, constructed by my pathology. While that doesn’t make me feel any better, I know that I am safe.

my new co-worker, sophie 2.0, accidentally drank my coffee instead of her own.  she insisted that she didn’t have germs.  i told her that i most certainly did, and that i had licked a hobo on the way into work that morning.  then i stole her pass and took it home with me.

i almost took three of my amphetamines instead of three of my venlafaxines. this is the third time that has happened.

reheated chinese food for breakfast is totally ftw.

i am excited about getting to babysit taylor this weekend!

i just watched charlie have a slight disagreement with his tail.  i am unsure who won.

there’s a lot more room in my heart than there is in my life.

my figurative heart, that is.  i’m hoping my literal heart is just about as full as it needs to be.

dear humans that don’t know how to deal with me,

no, you are not alone.  there are, in fact, many of you.  maybe you could all form a support group to help each other cope with all the poop and garbage through which i put you.  wouldn’t that be nice?  you could bring lemon squares, and organize bakesales, and have board game night every second tuesday of the month.

and i’m not just saying this as an excuse to get you all in one place.   really.  i promise.

just out of curiosity, when you are always fighting yourself, is it win/win or lose/lose?

also, i really miss the steady hands i had before the drugs.  my brother had a girlfriend once he used to call “shakes.”

THERE IS NERVOUS ENERGY IN MY CHEST!!!  I ATE HONEY ON TOAST!!!  LOOOUUUUUD NOISES!!!!!!!!!!

coleslaw for breakfast, then i’m gonna take a nap.  how do you like THEM apples?!?